Breaking news: kids misbehave. Sometimes quite a lot. Poorly timed or ill-conceived actions are par for the course as young people learn to manage a flood of new experiences, thoughts and feelings. But when these awkward actions start to look more like acting out – especially at school – it might be time to address them. But how? 

We sat down with Erica Edewaard, LCSW, program manager of WellPower’s Skyline Academy, for some insights and tips. If your student is acting out at school and you’re wondering what to do next, read on. 

What does “acting out” at school look like? 

Acting out is going to look different for each student depending on age, grade, temperament and a wide range of other factors. For some, the behavior might be “big” – being disruptive in class, acting aggressively toward other students or staff, interfering with other students’ ability to focus on instruction – while for others, it can mean a lot of small things that start to pile up. This might take the form of “passive resistance,” or a refusal to comply with basic requests at school or home. 

“If you’re noticing that your student’s grades are slipping, or they’re coming home looking sad or withdrawn, that can be another subtle sign that something’s not quite right,” Edewaard explained. These quieter signs can go unnoticed a bit longer than more ostentatious behaviors. 

There can be impacts on other areas of the child’s life as well. “More often than not, whatever they’re acting out is not going to be limited to academic environment,” Edewaard said. “Often there’s going to be spillover into clubs, sports, friendships and home life.” 

What are some of the causes of children acting out? 

Usually when a student is acting out, there’s something that they’re struggling to deal with internally. It could be that they’re having trouble with a particular emotion, which might be new to them. “These days, we see a lot of students struggling with anxiety – social, performance based, a feeling of overall imperfections,” Edewaard explained. Social media has been shown to contribute to this experience, even while providing some benefits. 

When kids have the skills to deal with these emotions, including anxiety, they might be able to work through them without acting out; however, a lot of kids this age are still learning how to navigate a constantly changing emotional landscape and thus might not be equipped for every experience yet. 

“When kids don’t know how to manage it, they’re going to do whatever they can to regulate themselves and make those unwanted feelings go away,” said Edewaard. “Sometimes these behaviors are beneficial and healthy; other times they’re not healthy but might be providing a short-term benefit – as long as it eases anxiety in moment, it’s benefitting them.” 

Another common cause of acting out centers around avoidance. Edewaard explained, “Often times, when kids try to avoid academic work it has nothing to do with their being lazy; it’s usually because they have some kind of challenge with learning in a particular subject or environment.” 

What can parents do to help their children? 

One place to start is observing what’s happening – what are the behaviors, when and where are they occurring, what are the impacts. Homework can be a telling gauge. “It’s rare that a student will ever not have homework, so if they ever claim they don’t have it that might be a sign they’re being avoidant,” said Edewaard. 

Also try to notice if there have been changes in their social circle  – any conflicts or tension that might be more than usual for them. This can be challenging for parents to gauge, though, as many kids hold their social interactions further away from their parents as they age. 

After you’ve observed the context and potential causes of the behavior, you might try talking to them about it. Be mindful of making accusations or appearing judgmental; start by asking questions and being curious – but don’t make it into an interrogation. Be intentional about approaching them, and apply plenty of patience. 

Sometimes a student is really just needing more support with their mental health and it’s something that can be managed in partnership with a school counselor or outpatient therapist. If these still aren’t quite enough, maybe it’s time to look at medication and work with a psychiatrist to see if that’s good option. 

If you find that you’re not making progress, reach out to their school to see if you can connect with their teachers, school counselor and a special education administrator for more insight and guidance. 

How can parents talk to teachers about their child’s behavior? 

“When talking directly to teachers, it’s important to ask them when this behavior seems to happen the most,” said Edewaard. If you can identify a pattern to the behavior, it’s a little easier to pinpoint why it’s happening and how best to support your student.  

“Is there a specific subject like math or reading, or a time of day when acting out tends to start? It’s fairly common for kids, especially young kids, to struggle right before lunch because they’re ‘hangry,’” Edewaard offered. It could also be teacher specific – maybe they do well throughout the day except with one teacher they just don’t get along with. 

Then it might be appropriate to ask teachers how they’re responding in the moment. “Sometimes kids like the attention they’re getting – the role of a class clown being a clear example,” said Edewaard. “They’re going to get some attention for better or worse – their peers laughing, teacher turning all their attention to them.” Partnering with your teachers is critical when trying to tackle acting-out behaviors. 

What are the next steps for getting more support? 

Request your child be evaluated for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). Each student’s IEP outlines how a school will approach meeting the student’s needs, including what tools and accommodations the student needs in order to be successful in school. 

A lot of schools have someone who specializes in behavior management, such as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA). These professionals can help assess the function of a child’s challenging behavior and develop a behavior intervention plan (BIP).  

Ultimately, if the student is still struggling – maybe they’re seeing a little growth but not quite enough– that’s when it’s time to ask the bigger questions: what’s happening in the school system and is the school able to meet the student’s needs. “This is a really hard conversation to have because no teacher or professional at school wants to be perceived as giving up,” Edewaard explained. “The reality is that everyone is doing the best they can.” 

Next steps might include looking outside the school district such as a facility school placement. Sometimes called separate schools or day treatment programs, facility schools provide an extra level of specialized support with professionals who are trained to work with students who have not experienced success in a typical school setting. 

What Makes Skyline Academy Unique? 

There are a few day treatment schools in Colorado, including Skyline Academy at WellPower. Apart from its location at WellPower’s award-winning Dahlia Campus for Health and Well-Being, Skyline Academy is quite a bit smaller than other schools. With a maximum of 24 students, Skyline is able to provide much more individualized care for students grades 1 – 8. This applies not just to academics but relationships as well – the teachers and therapists can develop meaningful relationships with each student.  

“Sometimes we receive a referral through a student’s IEP and I can see so clearly that this kiddo is just in way too big of an environment and they are drowning – that socially it’s just way too much and they don’t know how to navigate it, and that’s what’s influencing their behavior concerns,” said Edewaard. “So just coming to Skyline and into that smaller environment has a drastic impact on reducing behaviors. They don’t have to navigate a massive school and compete for staff attention. So a change in environment alone has a positive impact for a lot of our students.” 

For more information about WellPower’s Skyline Academy, visit wellpower.org/skyline-academy or give us a call at (303) 300-6270.