It’s time for the annual declaration of well-meaning New Year’s resolutions, usually intended to improve health, boost well-being and maybe even gain control of finances – at last! But for people in the “sandwich generation,” resolutions can seem like yet one more thing to add to an already out of control to-do list.
The “sandwich generation” is defined as people who provide care for aging parents while raising their own children – those who are “sandwiched” between two generations who are needing their care. It can be a demanding and overwhelming time of life often characterized as “burning the candle at both ends.” According to the Pew Research Center, more than half of Americans in their 40s are sandwiched between an aging parent and their own children.
Typical New Year’s resolutions may seem like a laughable exercise or an unattainable luxury to this overburdened group, but to survive this stressful time, sandwich generation caregivers must take care of themselves, too. That’s not easy for people who are accustomed to putting the needs of others first.
Here are some tips – or resolutions – to help the sandwich generation navigate the many responsibilities they have as caretakers to both their children and their parents:
Self-Care
A spa day sounds nice, but not many caregivers have the time or budget for such an extravagance. Instead, embrace that self-care can be simple, free and quick, such as a daily walk or 10-minute meditation. Resolve to fit in self-care wherever you can. Keep a notebook in your purse to journal while waiting to pick up the kids. Put on a funny podcast while cooking dinner. Reclaim the radio while driving car pool and rock out to your favorite tunes. If you’re feeling ambitious, take the family out to the movies for something different that can even support your well-being. One caveat: mindless social media scrolling is not self care and can leave you drained.
Learn to Ask for Help & Delegate
It might be true that nobody can do it as well as you, but sandwich generation caregivers must share the burdens of caregiving with others. Learn how to politely and specifically ask for help and delegate tasks to others. There usually are well-meaning, capable and kind friends and neighbors willing to help if you ask them.
Set boundaries
Asking for help and delegating are both important, and sometimes it’s time to set some firm boundaries about what you’re being expected to do. Setting and honoring boundaries can actually help you do more, as you’re not being pulled in as many conflicting directions.
Embrace Technology
Keeping track of so many schedules and appointments is daunting. Learn how to use apps, calendar reminders, online grocery services, etc. to manage the many demands of caregiving. It can simplify things considerably.
Stay Connected
Caregivers need emotional support and the opportunity to unwind. Time with friends can provide both. Schedule regular get-togethers with your pals and peers. Consider finding a caregiver support group, online or in-person, to talk with people who know all too well how you feel.
Know Your Local Mental Health Resources
Mental health challenges can be common during this demanding phase: for teens, the typical angst and anxiety of young adulthood; for grandparents, possible depression from aging; and of course, for those in the middle, the stress of being stretched thin and trying to balance it all. There is an enormous amount of information out there about how to care for yourself and for others – some of very high quality and some of questionable validity. Know what effective resources are available, including WellPower.
Be kind and gentle with yourself and the people you love. Accept that perfection isn’t an option when juggling so much. Give yourself grace and try not to judge yourself. Remind yourself that showing up and being loving is good enough. Need something more than tips? Get started with therapy at WellPower by clicking here. You can also reach the Colorado Crisis Line at 844-493-8255; by texting TALK to 38255 or at coloradocrisisservices.org.