Less than four weeks after a divisive election has shaken up millions of people in the United States, we come together to celebrate Thanksgiving, a day honoring gratitude and togetherness. For many people, Thanksgiving 2024 will pose challenges: conflicts with family members who have different views, difficulties finding common ground and managing complex emotions and dynamics. We spoke with Steve Fisher, LPC, director of clinical services at WellPower, to put together this Thanksgiving Survival Guide for your holiday.

Build Your Toolkit

Across the nation, people have strong feelings about the election results on national, state and local levels. For some, this is a time of happiness as they watched candidates they voted for win. For others, it’s a time of deep sorrow and grieving. No matter your reaction to the outcomes, it’s important to know that your feelings are valid.

“Going into this holiday season, it’s really important that we hold space for both our own feelings and empathize with family members who may feel differently from us,” said Fisher. “I might show up and be sad, depressed or angry. I might experience distance from a family member because they feel differently than I do. We have to realize that a lot of people will be approaching this season from a place of grief and loss, or from a place of elation and joy. There’s not a lot of middle ground after such a divisive election season.”

So what can you do? Fisher recommends building your pre-Thanksgiving toolkit.

1. Work through your emotions before the holiday.

No matter your feelings, it’s important to approach gatherings with a sense of calm, having processed your emotions ahead of time.

“If I’m able to work through the enormity of, let’s say, disappointment before a family gathering, then I’ll be able to show up more easily at a holiday party,” said Fisher. “If I don’t do the work ahead of time, I’ll be more raw when confronted with family members whose opinions differ from mine. I have to do the work to build my well-being ahead of time.”

If the election results were different from what you hoped for, don’t be surprised if you go through typical experiences of grieving and mourning related to this loss like shock, denial, depression, anger, disappointment and discouragement. Recognize that these thoughts and feelings are reasonable as you adapt to this new reality.

Be aware that these raw emotions and discouraging thoughts could and likely will get triggered by others during gatherings. Try to accept any painful thoughts and feelings, while being thoughtful about how and to who you express them.

This tool applies to all big feelings. If you’re excited about the election results, remembering that you may have family members who feel differently will allow you to process your happiness in a way that won’t negatively impact the people around you.

2. Unplug from the internet and news ahead of time.

Getting away from the smartphone, computer, television and tablet before a big gathering can help you reconnect with yourself, your loved ones and your community more intentionally and without the chatter of other opinions clouding your emotions.

Whether doom scrolling or gleefully consuming media that fits your feelings, social media and the internet can exacerbate what we’re already feeling and fire us up, which can lead to more heated discussions and higher emotions when confronted with different viewpoints.

“Find ways to stay connected to and be renewed by what inspires you and what keeps you anchored in your belief system and values,” said Fisher. “Ask yourself, ‘What is the source of my hope? My inspiration? My beliefs?’ and ground yourself in those activities and ideas.”

3. Practice your responses ahead of time, aka “cope ahead.”

Sometimes it seems like certain family members want to drag us into conversations we don’t want to have, even if we say no the first time. It can be so difficult to respond instead of react in that moment, so Fisher recommends practicing your responses to conversation baiting.

“There are so many ways to gently, kindly and lovingly tell someone you don’t want to talk about a topic that troubles or distresses you,” he said. “Rehearsing statements with a loved one you trust can also help you practice saying what you need to hold your boundary in a calm but firm way. We call this ‘coping ahead’ – the practice can help you feel empowered in a situation that might otherwise leave you feeling the opposite.”

Here are a few phrases you could try:

• “I want to respond to this situation out of my personal values, instead of reacting out of emotion. I’m not ready to talk about this topic with you right now.”
• “I love you, and I’m not going to talk about politics with you. If you keep bringing this up with me, I’m going to walk away.”
• “Hey, I need to talk about something different right now. What are you thankful for this year?”

Why don’t we practice right now?

Scenario 1: engaging in conversation

Imagine you find out a family member you thought shared your views actually voted for an opposing candidate, and now they want to talk to you about it. Here are a few ways you could approach the situation:

1. If you know this family member can engage with you from a state of open-mindedness and empathy, you can have that conversation with them and be honest about your feelings. Try gently and humbly explaining your position and answering questions of theirs with your truth. This space can leave you pretty vulnerable, so make sure they’re someone you can talk to about sensitive topics and then proceed at your own comfort level.
2. You’ll need to know your own limits and set clear boundaries for when you will no longer speak with them about this topic. It’s okay if you need to step away for a breather, too.

Scenario 2: overheard at the dinner table

In this scenario, a family member is making disparaging comments about a group of people you either identify with or feel a need to stand up for, and their words make you deeply uncomfortable or angry.

“In this instance, you can either state your truth or you can choose to stay quiet – both are okay, especially depending on who’s saying what about whom,” said Fisher. “It can be so hard to hear someone talk about other people in ways that make you angry, sad, frustrated or uncomfortable. If you do feel comfortable speaking up, you could try saying something like, ‘I believe all people deserve to be treated with respect, including the ones you’re talking about. Everyone has rights and are human beings. I have a different view of people than you, especially about how we should treat one another.’”

Fisher also says it’s okay to stay quiet. For some, speaking up may put them in harm’s way – mentally, emotionally or physically – and it’s okay to protect yourself from painful outcomes. Staying quiet doesn’t mean that you’re compromising your values. Engaging in a discussion sometimes isn’t productive or safe, so make the best decision for your well-being.

We’re here to help, too. If you’re struggling with emotions about family, the election or anything at all, WellPower is here to help. Visit our Access Services webpage for more information, or call (303) 504-7900 to speak with an intake specialist to get started.